I wish more than anything things can finally stop holding me back, and I can start to finally meet someone new this summer. I want to be in love again, I just wish I knew how to not push people away and get so mad sometimes. You know what would happen if I did move and transfer to orlando, what could it hurt you know? I want things to stop holding me back, I kind of realized it today that I was. I’m afraid to finally be on my own, my dad’s been here since day one and I don’t know if I could deal with being so far away because I’m so used to it. I need it for me, to be finally happy. To not be held back anymore, I want someone here. Like Hailey was.. Except something totally new, stronger, cuter, more trustworthy, real. Not a slut, a girl who is here for me. I know people say you don’t go out and find love? Well I found Hailey, so why can’t I find someone else and a relationship if I give it more patience? I believe I can all of the above. It would just feel absolutey amazing to not have to try for someone such of my taste, why can’t they come to me? People have changed so much.. i’ll do whatever it takes to complete my goals.
Never part without loving words to think of during your absence. It may be that you might not be in this life.
Why it goes jn circles because it was so necessary to not say something in the first place and tell me. I mean did you really want to cause a further argument or did you think it just didnt matter? I saw chris comment on your status bout “finally” needing a date to ball, and how you added dom on fb. i mean it’s only facebook but sure whatever you say. I really don’t care at all, all I’m reffering to is what I saw and heard. If you didnt want me to hurt at all things wouldnt of had to of been this way. You did it to benefit yourself..
I know honestly that it wasn’t two weeks, it was days if not hours. People in the school including my own friends took pictures of the stuff you put right on facebook and made public, and sent them to me. I don’t care but it just honestly hurts, a whole lot. to hear of all people him? Because it made to me what seemed like your family happier that you have him back in your life. I saw so many hints that told me you talked to him alot sooner than you said.. I wasn’t going to sit there in my own house and be disrespected by someone who said that they love me, especially when things could’ve been taken a whole different way. It always felt like there wasn’t ever a second option with you in almost any situation, it always seemed like I was the only one willing to really take the step and change. Except for maybe when we chose/named different places to go out to eat. You act like any of the few other ugly fights werent just as bad if not probably worse than that one. Seems like after we broke up it was pretty easy for you to drag alot of the people you were better off with back into your life, like chris, kevin, dom. you know change is good. I feel like the only things that are “bad” to you were the good things you got rid of. Cause everything else got brought back but me, I mean i’m okay with that. I just honestly feel like I changed the parts I did of you for the better, including parts of your heart. As well as hurting it, yes I know i did a stupendous amount of that too. That I regret. There’s so much you’re missing out on that I wish I knew how to say to get you to understand about. From then until now especially, alone I remain.
You blocked me and my mom on facebook, both of us. And you say you guess but you literally were with him the day after we separated.. which I know to me were for numerous amounts of reasons. But honestly that was your choice, it obviously took you to talk to him while we were coming to an end, facebook or whatever internet source it was done over, your phone maybe. While I had to sit there and watch it all happen, this will be the last thing I say. Is I honestly can’t ever forgive you for it, my heart simply just won’t let me. You promised me time and time again that you’d never go back and that was exactly what you did, I just hope it was really worth it to throw everything away we had for him. It was the second biggest low blow besides what you did on our anniversary, it’s been nice talking to you. So take it easy, enjoy your summer, graduation, your time with him and your family. Hope school goes good too.
Having cuddle days and all that with him is what you call friends ha I mean I won’t lie alot of people texted me and asked if we were still together. Cause that was like a couple days, if that, after we separated. you noocked me and my mom and stuff. people told me they saw you guys holding hands in school and all that. Idk, idc im just saying I heard what sounds like kind of the opposite in some ways. Idk that’s your business but anyways yeah i’m doing pretty good. decided where i’m going to school finally and stuff. So i’m very excited, alots changing for me in a good way pretty quick. I’m just trying to keep up with life, summer’s coming and stuff so yaaa.
That’s awesome to hear, good for you. Following your dreams, I’m glad you never let anyone including me stop you. And really are you serving? I bet the money is great. I hear you on the not home ever part, tuesdays are still my only days off. So can I ask, how come you jumped from me right to him?.. I’d honestly like to know that more than anything. I’ve just heard so much you know, not that I believe it or don’t. I just know it’s none of my business but I just feel like he’s who he use to be in your life before. And I know your brothers told me you got a car and all that kinda stuff. You still plan on getting your own place? That’s awesome, so I take it you got a second job to save even faster huh? I’m glad to hear your family’s doing better to, I feel like me being removed from your life helped that a lot. But anyways back onto the record, it really makes my heart happy to know you are.
I still have everything.. even the stuff that was in my car, notes, blankets, everything. It’s all put away. I pinky promise when we separated it was the first thing i thought of was to not destroy anything. I guess you could say i’m doing good, bella has three tumors and i’m never home anymore. I feel like everything’s just been getting slowly worse, my car is an even bigger curse now than it was. I work 55 or 60 hours a week now on average. so you’re finally out of that pizza place? or are you stuck working at another food place now to haha. Off the record.. how are you yourself?.. does he really make you happy?
